I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
