I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
