I want to walk on stilts...naked
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
