So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
