apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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