my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
