Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
