i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i think i just lost a toe
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
