just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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