We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
