you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
