you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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