Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dick very happy bro
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
