My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
