I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
