I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
handjob tips. give me some.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
