i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
