So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
