Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
