He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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