Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
