I just saw a hot homeless man
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
love makes seman taste better
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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