he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
