cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
