Buhtt sex?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There are leaves in my underwear?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
