Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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