maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
