i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
