Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
