Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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