Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
