I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
