so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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