STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
