I can't breathe out the right side of my face
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
