If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
