when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
