I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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