dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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