I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
