You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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