it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
