I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
