I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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