My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
