what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
