Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
