nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
