She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
