This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
